Just another sign...

that I am getting old! Because I am so tired this morning! All we did was have a little family party for our five year old and Matthew and I were both exhausted last night!

I had been doing a little bit of party preparation since Tuesday night when I hung streamers, balloons and wrapped presents. Yesterday I wrapped more presents, baked a cake, cleaned the house and got everything else set up for the party. As soon as Matthew got home from work at five he started decorating the cake (if you haven't seen the pics, go see them, it's amazing!) and I made pizza (from scratch yo!). I can't believe that we used to have at least seven more adults and a few kids for his previous birthday parties, it must have been a lot of work!

Anyway, it was a lot of fun. Sophia was a little on the crabby side for the whole party. I jokingly said she didn't like not being the center of attention, and I'm afraid that might be a little bit true. Lucky for her the rest of the month is all about her! She didn't even make it to the cake, after Elijah took his new bike for a ride I fed her some yogurt and she went straight to bed. The rest of us had cake, the grownups had a much-needed cup of coffee and Elijah read us one of his new books. Both the kids slept in today and so far we haven't accomplished much of anything.

Definitely getting old, my back hurts.

PS, on May 23 someone is going to need to come over and rescue me, I'm pretty sure I'll be buried under piles of streamers and wrapping paper!

My turn...

As a good 95% of my Facebook and bloggy friends are fellow May '06 mommies, there have been ten days of birthdays so far. It's pretty crazy to be a part of that group, and every year, one by one, all of our little babies get a year older. So I've already read a few posts by my friends reflecting back on their five year old, now it's my turn.

As usual, when I try to write one of these posts I can't seem to think of what I want to say. I can walk around all day "writing" in my head, and then when I sit down to the computer, I go completely blank. I guess there's always the danger of getting overly sentimental and end up crying over a stupid blog post. Totally not my style, but stranger things have happened.

I've found myself reflecting over the past few days, not only about the last five years of Elijah's life and how much he's changed, but on myself and how five years of being a mommy has changed me. It's sort of even hard for me to remember what life was like before I was a mommy. I suppose I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I could eat, shower, read, nap, whenever. I didn't have to wait for someone to take a nap, I didn't have to fix anyone elses lunch, wipe their behind, give them a bath or help them get dressed. More than that I was certainly never personally responsible for another human being's happiness and total well-being. I've never had it be my number one priority to make sure someone feels 100% loved and safe every single day. It's pretty crazy, and hard. Most of these things take up my entire day, especially now that it's all x2. And instead of the responsibilities lessening, they're growing exponentially. For the past two years I've been responsible for a child's education, his entire academic future. And as equally important, his spiritual education. No wonder I'm so tired at the end of the day!

After pondering all those things, I had to sit back and look objectively and the job I've been doing. Am I good mommy? Did I do it right? Sometimes it feels too easy to screw up and not do a good job. Sometimes it feels like I can never do enough, never give enough of myself. Sometime I'm selfish and don't want to be mommy for just five minutes. So how can you tell if you're doing a good job or not?

I guess you can look at my kid, and I have to admit, he's pretty awesome. He's smart, sweet and one-of-a-kind, and if you're just going off of that...I guess I've done a pretty good job.

A whole lotta crazy...

Do you ever feel like there is just so much going on in your life, good things, crazy things, busy things, happy things, maybe a few sad things, and it just gets to be so much you just have sit down rub some peas in your hair?

Wait...what?

Well, apparently Sophia does. Are we stressing her out or somthing, why does she feel the need to rub mashed up peas in her hair? Oh wait, she hates peas, I forgot. Apparently she was trying to make sure I go the message to never feed her peas again. Point taken.

And oh yes, you'd better believe that Matthew gave her a bath after this, because I played the "Mother's Day" card.

And yeah, I have to admit, that's sort of how I feel lately. A little crazed. Maybe rubbing peas in your hair alieveates this a little, I've never tried. Goodness knows I end up with enough food in my hair when I'm not trying!

Why do I feel a little crazed? There's just a lot going on the next few weeks. I don't need to list them again do I (birthday, baptism, birthday, not to mention about three doctor's appointments). Crazy. I got all the stuff for Elijah's cake on Saturday, came home, and then proceeded to have a panic attack because I forgot to ask him what he wanted for his birthday dinner. What kind of mother am I?! And then I calmed down when I realized that I had all the stuff to make pizza, so we're cool. There's no way he'll ask for anything else. Matthew and I had a party planning meeting last night after dinner (lol), where we talked cake strategy. Did I mention cakes are kind of a big deal around here? They're always home made (ehh from the box at least) and hand decorated by the Master Cake Decorator, Matthew. Seriously, he can decorate a mean cake. We've got our plan down for an awesome Star Wars one this year, it should be awesome!

Going to try and keep the peas out of my hair and remain calm.

Sappy...

That's how I'm feeling today. It doesn't help that I have both my babies' birthdays coming up in the next few weeks or that it's Mother's day this weekend.


I'm trying to decide which birthday I'm going to be the most emotional over. Sophia is turning one, which is pretty big. This time last year she wasn't even in this world. She was just a giant baby inside my tummy, kicking the crap out of my ribs and causing me to get up every five seconds to pee. And now here she is. A little person. Not even a baby baby anymore, but she's crossing the bridge to toddler baby. She's trying to walk which both excites me and freaks me out. I don't know why, Elijah walked at ten months or so and all I remember feeling was excitement. I guess with your second you're so much more aware of how fast it's going. I can look at Elijah and easily remember him at this age and then do a double take when I realize he's not that baby any more, not even close. All in all I'm excited for Sophia's birthday, not sad. I'm excited to see her walk, I can't wait to see her run and play with her brother and cousins this summer. I can't wait until she's old enough to sit at the table and color while Elijah does school so I'm not having to constantly steal his pencil back from her. It will be fun to watch he grow up. Just not too fast!

As for Elijah, well, I think I might be having a harder time with him getting older. Probably because he's just so old. He's going to be five. FIVE! That's half a decade. I remember being five! Sometimes I stop and wonder which things he will remember when he's an adult. I guess that's what being a parent is all about. Making sure that when your child as an adult remembers their childhood, their memories are of nothing but happiness. So yeah, definitely a little more emotional about him turning five. I drove past our local Elementary school, just around the corner and saw a big sign for Kindergarten registration. Is it sad that I felt so relieved I didn't have to go through that? Obviously my number one reason for homeschooling is not so I can have him around me all the time, but I don't know, sometimes I feel like it's a perk. (Yes, and sometimes it's a curse!) Plus, since he's homeschooled, we'll be starting first grade next fall, not Kindergarten. WHAT?! Yes, it's crazy. He is such a good student though. I know I'm really lucky. He loves school and loves to learn.

I guess that's one good thing about having a big kid. Sometime they can be complete pains, talking back and not obeying. But occasionally, they go and do something that makes you really, really proud. And there's nothing like feeling you've done a good job with your kid, as a parent. I've mentioned that we go to a weekly Mom's group at our church. Elijah is one of the oldest kids there, most are 2-3, and babies. One of the moms told me the other day how wonderful she thought he was and I could have just exploded. I've been told this before, but I never get tired of hearing it. It sounds silly, but at our church I think Elijah has more friends than I do! All the adults love him as well as the kids.

*sigh*

Okay, I warned you and told you I was feeling sappy.

Sophia is getting baptised Sunday after next so that brings up a lot of emotions as well. Elijah was baptised a little older, when he was about two and a half. It's important to us. Promising to raise your child up in the church and teaching them about your faith. At the time they're so little it hardly seems challenging, but as they get older it gets a lot more interesting. I though this Easter was particularly great because Elijah could finally understand just what the cross meant to us, as much as a four year old can. Little by little he's learning, and it's fun to watch.

Anyway, my little birthday monkey is waking up after sleeping in super late, because she was up a bunch last night ugghhhh...

This is how I roll...

There used to be a time in my life where I never left the house without my hair being perfectly styled and hairsprayed into submission. Back then it was shorter, redder, with a couple other colors mixed it. It was fabulous. My outfits were always cute, new and more importantly, clean. My shoes, well, they were higher, at 5'3" I was never a fan of anything with a flat sole. Oh and I used to tan too. Basically, I used to be pretty high-maintenance. Key word, used to be.

Then I had a baby, that baby's name was Elijah, and he changed everything. The high-heel shoes were out, at least for a little while. We used to live in an apartment building set up on a hill that you had to walk up a flight of stairs just to get to it, and then we lived on the second floor. Somewhere in between sleepless nights and teething, my hair grew out...brown. My clothes? Well, they were still cute, once I could fit back into them six months later or so, but I don't think they've been clean since.

Eventually, as he got older I started to become a little high-maintenance again. Starting coloring my hair and wearing heels and stuff. Then guess what happened? I had another baby. Here we go again. This was problematic for two reasons. One, when you have baby, especially a second baby, the amount of time you have to get yourself ready is about 2.5 minutes. Which is really not enough to straighten your hair, apply make-up and put together a cute outfit. Two, I had a girl this time. Which meant suddenly I cared much less about my shoes matching my outfit and more about her shoes matching her outfit!

Don't get me wrong, I'm still fairly high-maintenance. On Sundays I get up earlier than everyone else so I can have more than 2.5 minutes to get ready. Sometimes I even straighten my hair. I still try to not leave the house without just a little make-up.

Yesterday I had to run to Walmart for a few things. It was icky and rainy out so I just threw on a fleece jacket and some flip-flops (over my Star Wars t-shirt and black "jeggings", don't hate!). My hair was a frizzy, poofy mess and I didn't even put on chapstick. Yeah, I know it's only Walmart, but this was a new low even for me. And yes, I walked through puddles in the parking lot in my flip flops I think this is a Southern thing, but I'm not sure. But you'd better believe Sophia was as cute as can be. Her outfit was adorable more than dorky. Of course, she really didn't have to worry about her hair.

Witness the de-evolution of a woman becoming a mother.

Wednesday Randomness...

It's Wednesday again? Already? What?

This leads me to my first randomness...

• Today is one week until Elijah's fifth birthday! I'm so excited, but now panicked. We haven't done a thing in preparation for his party. I guess there's not that much to be done, since we're just having a small party with the four of us. But we still need to go get his present and get a few things for the party. We're just going with one "big" present this year and of course, a Star Wars theme!


• It's hard to believe that this time last year I was hugely (and I mean HUGELY) pregnant. My mom was flying in for Elijah's birthday and Sophia's birth. I was so done. Overdone. In fact the day we came home from the hospital was probably the happiest day of my life for two reasons. One, I finally had my baby girl and two, I wasn't pregnant anymore!


• I've been looking forward to May for so many reasons and I'm so happy it's here. I think May will always be my favorite month. The weather has been so nice (err, it's rainy today though). Sunday is Mother's Day, next Wednesday is Elijah's birthday, Sophia is getting baptised on the 15th and the Sunday after that is her first birthday! Crazy right? Oh and on her birthday we will officially be one month away from the big summer vacation!


• Speaking of Sophia, she is sleeping so great lately (knock on wood!) At the advice of another mommy friend I started giving her yogurt before bed instead of nursing her. She goes to bed around 7:30, about an hour after we've had dinner, so I always figured she couldn't possibly still be hungry. I went to the store and found the yogurt with the most calories in it (Stoneyfield whole milk yogurt, a whopping 200+ calories per serving) and she gets a bowl of that every night before bed. Let me tell you she loves that stuff. And even I have to admit it is tasty, and I don't even like yogurt! The first couple of nights she still woke habitually a few times, but went back to sleep after a tiny bit of fussing. Lately she's been sleeping from 7:30-5:30 a.m. I usually do have to nurse her then and she's back to sleep until 7:00. So nice!


• The kids and I made a trip to the bookstore yesterday before Mom's group. I've been picking a few things here and there for Sophia's birthday and decided to get her a book of her own. Most of hers are hand-me-downs from Elijah, or books they share. I decided she needed something girly! I ended up with a couple of Disney princess books and had to pick which one was best for her. Guess what I went with? Sleeping Beauty! (Though Princess Jasmine was always my favorite!) I also picked up a huge first grade workbook for Elijah to go through over the summer.


• Matthew started working full-time at the library yesterday. It's so nice that he can just come home and be home with us, instead of having to spend his evenings studying non-stop.

I guess that's all for now. Looking forward to a quiet day at home after being gone almost all day yesterday. Hopefully I'll have a chance to sit down and do some editing on my book. I've got one chapter completely done already! Now if I can only do the rest!

Well this is new...

I just got back from our weekly Mom's group at church. Since the kids and I were sick so long I have been in three weeks. Elijah and I both have really missed it! Today they were starting something new, instead of having an indoors Bible study with daycare, they are doing a more laid back outdoor picnic on Tuesday.

Can I just say? Sooo much fun! Not only did I get to hang out with good friends and their little ones that I haven't seen in a while, I met a lot of new people too. It kind of hit me while I was sitting there just how nice it is to have friends. I mean, I've had friends before, I guess. But this is the first time since I was in Cosmetology school that I've had a group of friends to get together with.

Hello, five year old photographer!

Elijah might have even had more fun than I did. I hardly saw him the whole time, because he spent most of the day on the playground. He's the oldest kid there and all the littler kids really seem to like playing with him. Sophia had a blast too. She shared everyone's lunches and snacks, whether they wanted her to or not! She's knocked out now, hopefully she'll stay that way!