So, it's been awhile huh? Last week I decided to take a break from things. From publishing, from blogging, from obsessing over all my rejections. It was a good thing, believe me. What settled it for me, was the fact that I got two rejections in one day that just about sent me over the edge. I don't want to be that kind of person. I refuse to let someone else's opinion of my work define my own veiws of sucess or failure.
I think I'm having to come to terms with the fact that publishig just might not happen for me, and that's a hard pill to swallow. At least, I might not get published in the conventional sense. I still plan to pursue things a little bit longer, I promised I'd give it at least six months, it's been three. After that I'll still e-publish for all five of my fans who want it. Who knows what after that. I think I'll have to finish the series, just for my own piece of mind.
Anyway, last week I didn't send out an queries. I didn't write, I didn't think about any of it. And tried to convince myself that it didn't really matter. Of course, it matters, but I don't want publishing to be the only route through which I feel like a usefull and sucessful human being.
So, it was a good week. It really cleared my head. Saturday I was ready to get back in the game and sat down and wrote about half a chapter. If and when my computer starts working better (I'm on Matthew's now and it doesn't have all my publishing stuff on it) I'll send out some more queries.
Part of me still thinks it will happen, then there's another part of me that's ready to accept the fact that it might not. At this point, it just feels logical to prepare myself for that.
WOW, what a depressing post! In other news, my grandpa died last night so that might explain the doom and gloom around here. What a year. In January I was ready for all the awesome things this year was going to bring, but now I'm sort of afraid of what else might be in store. Not a good feeling. Oh well. Maybe things will turn around soon.