Thoughts on parenting...

I have a lot of them...one in particular this morning. I thought to myself, "I have two too many kids!" Seriously, it was eight thirty and I was already exhausted, frustrated, annoyed ect. It comes with the territory, I suppose.

I find myself pondering my role in parenting these kids a lot lately. Probably because it has just hit me that this is the year Elijah and I should be parting ways in a small sense. This is the year he would start Kindergarten. I guess since I'm homeschooling, and have always planned on homeschooling I only thought of my role as a teacher. I only worried about how I was committing myself to be one-hundred percent responsible for his education. It's only now just hit home that I'm committing myself to spending every second of the day with him! Crazy, or I will be, soon.

Anyway, I was listening to a song on my iTunes this morning, "Still Fighting It" by Ben Folds. It's a song I've always really, really liked, about life and parenting, not wanting to grow up but facing it anyway. Okay, yeah, it makes me cry every single time! Probably because I can remember Matthew writing a post on our family blog years and years ago pondering the same subject (because of the same song.) So it always reminds of me of the old days when we were new to parenting and every day was "sunny days and rain" as the song says. Bittersweet because babies are so, so challenging and difficult, but at the same time you're terrified at the thought of them growing up and facing the scary world.

I think it's hardest to watch your oldest grow up, because everything is new. With your second you don't fight it so hard because you know how much easier and more fun things are going to get.

Another line I like in the song, probably my absolute favorite, "You're so much like me, I'm sorry."

Sophia is sooo much like me sometimes, it's hilarious. Likewise, Elijah is very much like Matthew. Sometimes I feel bad, because not only has she inherited some of my finer qualities, she also has demonstrated that she has a few of my not so great qualities. The word stubborn comes to mind right away!

A whole lotta nothin'...

(In case you've been wondering what I've been up to.)

I guess that sounds bad, that I haven't been doing much of anything. But oh well! And it's not entirely true. I've done plenty of reading, writing and teaching, we just haven't really gotten out much this week. Right now we're planning on starting school in two weeks, probably August 15th. Next week I've got to start ordering books and all that. Right now I think (fingers crosses) that I've got it all figured out. I'm not the type of homeschool mom to just order one big box of curriculum for the entire year. For one thing, it's expensive that way and it sort of cramps my style. It's a lot more work to pick and choose everything, but I like it that way!

Anyway, it's gearing up to be a really busy and exciting fall! Obviously, there's Elijah starting first grade, Matthew going back to class at the end of August (he's taking three classes this semester as opposed to two, and working), our mom's group will probably start around September (hopefully I can fit it in to our school schedule) and Elijah has his first football practice on the 9th! Whew! I think I'm becoming one of those 'busy people'. At least, that seems busy to me! Not to mention all the other things that will be happening. I'd like to start potty training Sophia soon. Sounds crazy, I know, but I swear I started Elijah at this age too! Also, we'll be having family visiting in October (Matthew's family and hopefully my Grandparents again!)

Hmmmm anything else? Oh in the meantime I'm finishing up editing my first book, it's slow-going, but we're getting there. And I officially started writing my second book (a follow-up to the first.) I'm just typing up my outline and writing a little of the rough draft, but so far I'm loving it!

So, it's sounds like a lot, but it' s a lot to look forward to as well.

He loves me...

Yesterday afternoon I was feeling really bad, physically speaking. I'll spare you the details, but by the time Matthew got home from work I was pretty miserable. I managed to make a quick dinner for him and the kids and then went to lay on the couch while they ate. After dinner I was feeling a tiny bit better, but not much. Anyway, Matthew decided to run out to the store to return a movie while I minded the kids. When he got home I noticed he was carrying something and obviously (but not very well) trying to hide it from me. Whatever the item was, he had put it in on our bed. The first chance I got, being the curious, sneaky person I am sometimes, I peeked in the bedroom to find out what it was.

Apparently he had made a little side trip while he was out to get me something since I wasn't feeling to well. To my surprise (well, not really since I had told him how much I really wanted it.) He had gone out and picked up for me the latest book in a series that I've been reading (George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire.) It came out last week and I've been dying to get my hands on it, but since it's a new release and only in hardback, it's not a cheap book.

But anyway, I guess he thought I was worth it. It's times like these when I realize just how much he loves me. (Aww that's super corny I know.) But for one thing, he knew I was feeling bad and wanted to make me feel better any way he could. And two, he pays attention enough to know exactly what would make me happiest.

Yeah, he loves me.

I don't have anything to say...

But I'm going to write anyway.

It's been a busy week so far and I haven't had a chance to post anything, so I thought I should. I know my one reader is probably wondering what I've been up to. (Hi Mom!)

Anyway, like I said, crazy week so far. I think I was home for a total of two hours during the day yesterday, which I do not like! I had the car because I had a lot of errands to run. It's always nice to have the car, but I tend to go overboard and try to do too much. Yesterday I think I got the kids in and out of the car ten times, I swear. It's exhausting to take them out, even if they are mostly well behaved.

See, this is why I just stay home all the time. It's too much work to go out!

For the past few days I've been really doing my research and looking for curriculum for Elijah's upcoming school year. At first I was really intimidated by the idea of teaching him first grade this year, but my excitement is quickly outweighing any anxiety I might have had. So far I've found lots of great books that I can't wait to get my hands on and get started teaching him. It's going to be a really fun school year. My only problem is figuring out what to do with Sophia! For Kindergarten it was much easier to just do all our school while she was taking her long morning nap. For first grade we're going to be adding quite a few more subjects and it's not all going to fit into nap time! Hopefully pretty soon she'll be old enough to be occupied with something while we work. Although at the moment, nothing keeps her occupied, except maybe food. And I"m pretty sure she can't eat bananas the whole time I'm trying to teach Elijah. Things will be much easier next school year when she can be included more in our day.

On top of worrying about what I'm going to do with her during school, I'm having a hard time reconciling the fact that I'm going to have very little free time in the fall. I guess that shouldn't come as a surprise to me, it's not like I've ever had an overabundance of free time. Just much less now. And it's not like it's going to get any easier, so I might as well get used to it. Hopefully I can still find time to do the things that are important to me when I have a rare break from the kids. The two that come to mind right away are working out and writing. The working out part is pretty easy, since I only do 30-45 minutes a day. Not hard to get in. The writing is a whole other story. Basically when I was writing my book I gave up all other hobbies. Instead of watching TV or a movie with Matthew on the evenings I would sit with my laptop and write. If I want to progress any more that's what I have to do. I've just got to convince myself to commit to it. A huge part of me just wants to write the second one already. But the logical part of me tells me I can't start it until I've finished the first. Soooo, my brain is at an impasse as it were...

Also my laptop just died. So if I want to get any work done I've got to sit out in the kitchen and write. Maybe that will work, just exile myself to the kitchen in the evenings. Blah, that doesn't sound like much fun at all.

Anyway, that's my ramble of the day.

All good things...

must come to an end.

*sigh*

(Yes I'm blogging about Harry Potter today, you wanna make something of it?)

Where to start? Ah yes, Harry Potter. I was a little late on the Harry Potter bandwagon, I'll admit. The first book was published in 1998, at the time I was *ahem* thirteen and way to cool to read about little wizard boys with goofy scars and stupid glasses. But, when I was at the ripe old age of twenty-two a good friend recommend the books to me. Okay, she pretty much told me I had to read them or she would disown me. I've always been an avid reader (and that's putting it pretty lightly). I absolutely love epic series' like the Lord of the Rings trilogy and and the Chronicles of Narnia. But when I read the Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone it completely blew all the rest out of the water.

As it happened, the year I began reading the books, 2007, was also the year the very last one came out. At the time we were living in Athens, GA and Matthew was in his second year there. Elijah was one! I had to have Matthew get the books from the UGA library for me since we couldn't afford to just go out and buy them. By the time I finished the sixth book, the seventh had just come out and I was drying to get my hands on it, along with everyone else. I had to get on a waiting list just to get a copy! I still had several days to go when Matthew came home one day with the much-anticipated book in his hands.

Is it sad that I still remember that? But seriously, reading rocks my world, I'm not going to pretend that stuff like that doesn't make me happy, because it does. Why do you think I wanted become a writer. Not because of any one book or writer, but because I love stories.

Anyway, later that year, or maybe it was the next summer I wanted to re-read the books and Matthew had an interest in reading them as well. So we started buying our own copies, one by one. So now I have a full set of my own. I've probably read them all 4-5 times total. Crazy right.

I know what you're thinking "what a nerd" right? If so you probably don't know me very well. When I was a teenage girl my favorite movies were Star Wars. Lately the only tv show I've been watching are my DVDs of Battlestar Galactica. So you can call me a nerd, it's pretty much true.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, the end. It's the end of an era today, I guess. If I had been totally hard core (or without children) I could have gone to a midnight showing of the movie last night. But instead I'm waiting until tomorrow. Matthew is going to take the kids to see Winnie the Pooh while I go. Though he'd much rather go see Harry Potter with me, that's how awesome he is.

And I've just now accepted the fact that certain scenes are going to make me cry, or at the very least, tear up a little. What can I say, I've gone soft in my old age.

So yeah, it's a little sad, but super-exciting. Now the question is, would it be over the top to wear my "Dumbledore's Army" t-shirt?

Stagnant...

That's pretty much how I feel this week. I guess I should give myself a bit of a break since I just came back from nearly three weeks of vacation. I imagine it's pretty normal to feel unmotivated after all that. As of yesterday I've finished up all the crazy post-vacation chores and have nothing on my to-do list, for once. You would think I would relish this. But I don't. I feel like I need something to do to keep me, well, SANE. Worst of all there are plenty of things that should be done, I just don't feel like doing any of them. One in particular has been nagging me since I got home.

The book. It's always the book. Finish the bloody book! But I can't. Why? Well, I suppose because I can't help but wonder, what's the point? Seriously, what is the point?

Personal satisfaction I suppose since my chances of getting published are...wait, there is no chance.

Okay, so personal satisfaction it is. And it's fun. Fun. Lots of fun. And hard work, for pretty much nothing in return. Wait, that sounds familiar, motherhood anyone?

As I was laying in bed last night trying desperately to fall asleep (three cups of coffee anyone?) I had a really great "plot twist" idea. And then I fell asleep and forgot it completely. It's going to nag me all day until I remember. Maybe if I can remember I can get back to work.

And besides the 'personal satisfaction' I can now become one of those obnoxious people who can say, "hey, I wrote a book." Because, published or unpublished it's true...sorta.

Daily Goals...

Generally speaking, I like to start out each day with a specific set of goals in mind for my day. It helps me to accomplish a lot, without taking it to the extreme and doing everything in one day. Instead of just cleaning the entire house I try to limit myself to just one or two things, otherwise I completely wear myself out.

For example, my goals for today are: sweep and mop the kitchen and vacuum the living room.

Other goals would be: work out, take the kids outside, try to get some editing done on my book...shower and eat three meals.

My goals as a stay-at-home mom to two crazy kids: stay sane and stay caffeinated!

Easier said than done.

Just this morning I was sitting here at the desk looking up movie times for Friday and my back started itching terribly. Without thinking I picked up a pen and scratched it. Minutes later I was passing a mirror and saw that my back looked like someone had scribbled on it. Oops. At least it was on my skin and not my shirt.

Staying sane might be harder than I think.

20 Days

That's how long I've been on vacation. I've had an even longer break from this blog. In fact, I bet you were thinking I was never coming back! I have so much to catch up on it's not even funny. Three weeks is a long time to be away. Three weeks without cooking a meal. Three weeks without sleeping in my own bed. Three weeks without working on my book OR working out! Yikes! I really need to change that. Maybe today...or tomorrow. I'm kind of tired...

Well, I did get up at four a.m. to catch our six a.m. flight out of Florida yesterday. Not fun! Especially not fun since I had both the kids on my own (Matthew went back home a week before I did.) By the time we landed back in Connecticut I was beyond exhausted. And the work didn't end there! We had to drop Matthew off at work and then go home. I unloaded all the luggage, unpacked, went grocery shopping and then decided I wanted to cook a big dinner for everyone. I guess I missed it or something. Anyway, after spaghetti, salad and sweet tea, Matthew bathed the kids and we all sat down to watch the Home Run Derby. Well, Sophia lasted about fifteen minutes before we put her to bed at around eight. I followed not long after. We both slept until 8:30 this morning! Crazy. But we were so tired.

Vacation is great, but at some point you do start to long for home and a bit of normalcy. Of course, we won't achieve that for a few more days, or at least until all this laundry is done!

If you haven't been keeping up with my family blog, now would be a good time to check it out, there are tons of pictures from our vacation over there. I don't post many pictures on this blog since it's "my" blog. But here's one that basically sums up my favorite part of the vacation....