I have a lot of them...one in particular this morning. I thought to myself, "I have two too many kids!" Seriously, it was eight thirty and I was already exhausted, frustrated, annoyed ect. It comes with the territory, I suppose.
I find myself pondering my role in parenting these kids a lot lately. Probably because it has just hit me that this is the year Elijah and I should be parting ways in a small sense. This is the year he would start Kindergarten. I guess since I'm homeschooling, and have always planned on homeschooling I only thought of my role as a teacher. I only worried about how I was committing myself to be one-hundred percent responsible for his education. It's only now just hit home that I'm committing myself to spending every second of the day with him! Crazy, or I will be, soon.
Anyway, I was listening to a song on my iTunes this morning, "Still Fighting It" by Ben Folds. It's a song I've always really, really liked, about life and parenting, not wanting to grow up but facing it anyway. Okay, yeah, it makes me cry every single time! Probably because I can remember Matthew writing a post on our family blog years and years ago pondering the same subject (because of the same song.) So it always reminds of me of the old days when we were new to parenting and every day was "sunny days and rain" as the song says. Bittersweet because babies are so, so challenging and difficult, but at the same time you're terrified at the thought of them growing up and facing the scary world.
I think it's hardest to watch your oldest grow up, because everything is new. With your second you don't fight it so hard because you know how much easier and more fun things are going to get.
Another line I like in the song, probably my absolute favorite, "You're so much like me, I'm sorry."
Sophia is sooo much like me sometimes, it's hilarious. Likewise, Elijah is very much like Matthew. Sometimes I feel bad, because not only has she inherited some of my finer qualities, she also has demonstrated that she has a few of my not so great qualities. The word stubborn comes to mind right away!