One down...

Thirteen to go!

Chapters, that is.

One of my goals in getting back on track this week was to get back to my writing. It's hard enough to find time to it do these days, but the fact that I'm now in the editing process makes it even harder. Forget what I said about sort of liking editing, I think I hate it. It's just uncanny to me just how many times I can re-write a sentence before I like it finally. Or even worse, when I have to just completely erase sentences. Though I appreciate how much it improves the flow of the writing, it just irks me to completely delete something.

Anyway, I've been going through my printed manuscript (still love that word) with a pen, making corrections and additions here and there. I'm still amazed how many bloody typos there are! Sorry to any of you who have read my rough draft! I feel like such an idiot when I come across them, but I guess it's just a sign that I get way too caught up in the writing and sort of miss the trees for the forest. Or something like that.

I'm only about halfway through the manuscript, but I also have begun editing my word document of my first chapter. I have a serious love/hate relationship with my first chapter. I like the fact that it is the opening of the story, the introduction of the characters, but hate the fact that it has little or no plot and is slightly boring. I don't think there's anything I can do about that, the story does pick way up in chapters two and three, so I guess it's okay.

For some reason it doesn't seem to fit, hopefully the re-writing will help. I think part of the reason why it doesn't seem to fit is simply the fact that my writing skill just evolved so much over the course of writing this novel. As it should. But remember when I started I was coming of a long hiatus, so it makes sense that the first chapter is a bit lackluster. At least in my opinion.

I was actually getting a bit depressed by all the editing, and feeling as though I was starting to dislike the story and my writing. But then I sat down and read my last two chapters. At the time I wrote them I really felt as though I was forcing it out, because I simply wanted to finish! But now when I read them I can honestly say it's some of my strongest writing ever (however full of typos it was). I got excited all over again for this whole project. I think telling stories is one of the most fun things ever, that's why I love writing so much.

So I guess I'll keep on. To whatever end. Just for the fun of it.

Only slightly disturbing...

I have to start this post off with a disclaimer saying that I got up about four hours ago, at 5:45 to watch the royal wedding (which was AH-MA-ZING!) and had about a gallon and half of coffee already so I'm sort of...errr...pinging...

Anywho, I realized something kind of disturbing and slightly embarrassing about myself yesterday. I know, not again! The older I get and the better I know myself the more I think that I'm...well, weird.

As a stay-at-home mom/homeschool mom there is rarely a moment when I'm not with one or both of my kids. It hit me pretty hard the other day when I drove past the elementary school around the corner that Elijah could be going there in the Fall instead of being homeschooled. I could potentially have most of my day free with only a baby to look after. But it's not that simple, and I'd still much rather be homeschooling. Though there are times when it would be seriously tempting to get rid of him for a few hours. I'm kidding...sorta.

So anyway, it goes without saying that I'm almost never alone. Except maybe when I shower or go to the bathroom, and even that's not guaranteed. Even when I have to run errands or go grocery shopping I almost always take at least one of the kids with me, usually because Matthew has studying to do and can't watch both of them while he does this. But occasionally when I just need to run to the store really quick, I'll go by myself. Which brings me to my recent discovery.

I feel weird when I'm alone, like, really weird and awkward. Like I'm missing a limb or something. Which is basically what your children are when you go out, a extra, annoying limb. (ha). I guess I've always been an extremely co-dependant person, I can't really think of time when I've gone out somewhere by myself and actually enjoyed myself. Because of the kids I've gone to see the last two Harry Potter films solo, and even though I enjoyed the movies, I was constantly wishing I had someone to talk to during them!

I guess that's what it boils down to, having someone to talk to. Which is why, embarrassingly enough, when I go out alone...I talk to myself. Yup. Not like having a loud conversation with myself like a crazy person, but just sort of quiet mutterings. Which may sound equally as crazy if overheard. Nice, huh?

So I suppose it's actually a good thing I'm rarely alone, that way I won't look nearly as crazy as I am. And the next time I complain about my child talking far too much, remind me that I don't have a leg to stand on and what comes around, does eventually go around.

Guess what?

It's rainy/cold/icky out again today. Which also means I'm feeling lazy/uninspired/sleepy. Also, now I'm suffering from a horrible case of Groundhog Day...make that Groundhog Week or Month, for that matter. Except that I'm not sick anymore the past few weeks seem to be repeating endlessly. Err, didn't I say I was in a good mood yesterday? Yeah I did, because the SUN WAS SHINING. And today the sun is not shining. At all.

So there was my Spring, it lasted three days.

In other news. Matthew turned in his paper yesterday and it's as though a huge weight has been lifted off our shoulders. Well, mostly his, but I have sympathy stress for him! He only has one final next week for his Septuagint class (in his words, "it shouldn't be too hard, but I should probably study". Really?) So the end is near! Next week he just starts working full-time hours. This is one of the many reason I love summer. No homework for him to do in the evenings and paychecks that are twice the usual size.

I'm still trying to decide what to do with Elijah over the summer. I suppose we'll do some sort of summer school (mean mommy!) because I don't want him forgetting what 2 plus 2 is and all. He's completely blown his first grade reading program out of the water. He can read pretty much anything things days, which makes me proud and annoyed that I can't spell anything out in front of him anymore. C-R-A-P!

I've completely given up on Sophia ever sleeping through the night. No, I'm not kidding it will never happen. Last week, because she was pretty much refusing to nurse during the day I started giving her a little whole milk in a sippy cup. Of course she loved and I successfully weaned my baby! During the day that is. Turns out cow milk is fine in the day, but at two a.m. is has to be from Mommy! Yay me. Sophia, you're doing it WRONG! I could care less if I was still nursing her in the day a few times. In fact, I could even be convinced to keep nursing her past a year (Sophia are you listening?) if all she wanted was a little in the day, or maybe right before bed. But seriously? Enough with the night feedings already. And before you suggest cry it out (because I know you're thinking about it right now) it WILL.NOT.WORK. And also, you haven't met my daughter. Seriously, the most stubborn child on the PLANET! If I refuse to nurse her when she gets up at whatever ungodly hour she chooses we will be up all night. All night. This is not an exaggeration by any means. So here we are. I believe this is called an impasse, which sounds much nicer than "my eleven month old runs the show around here". I don't know, maybe it won't last much longer, maybe I'll still be breastfeeding her at two am when she's ten, only time will tell.

Ramble on...

Wednesday Randomness...

I guess this is my usual Wednesday routine...not feeling so random today. err.

• Spring has finally arrived, that is I think and I hope it has. Yesterday it was so warm and sunny I couldn't believe it! The kids and I spent most of the afternoon outside, which was much needed.
• The arrival of Spring means Spring cleaning around here, so I've been busy all morning. Mostly I've been putting away sweaters and coats and pulling out t-shirts and shorts. Yay! What makes me even happier is the fact that all my summer clothes fit this year, whereas last summer they were um, still a bit snug. Double yay!
• I'm not sure if it's the weather, or the fact that Matthew is thisclose to finishing this semester, but I feel like I'm in the best mood ever today. That and the fact that both the kids birthdays are right around the corning. Also, we're hoping to get Sophia baptised in May (finally!), so it's going to be a fun and busy month.
• The faster May goes by the better, in my opinion, and I don't think I need to tell you why!
• What was I saying? I drifted off thinking about the beach...hmmm.
• Uhhh, I think I need a nap, I worked to hard this morning. Yeah, like that's going to happen. I guess I should go work out keep my promise that I made yesterday. Yeah, like that's going to happen.
• I did work out yesterday, for the first time in weeks, and I'm kind of sore today, fun stuff.

All for now, I have nothing else to say!

Inspiration...

or something like that.

Since Matthew is home all day to finish up the paper he has to turn in tomorrow, I decided after school to get the kids out of the house. Plus, I always take advantage of the car when it is available to me. Elijah and Sophia had both gotten a few dollars in their Easter card from my grandma and I promised to take Elijah to spend it. We decided to go to Target because we needed diapers, and of course, Target is way more fun than Walmart. It doesn't take much, though.

Anyway, so after they picked stuff from the little dollar spot area I decided I need to scour the sale racks. I don't spend money often on clothes, but I can't help but hunt for a good bargain every now and then. Well, guess what they had on sale? Bathing suits. And guess who is just a little too anxious for summer vacation and convinced herself she needed another bathing suit? Me!

Now, you know how it is when you find bathing suits on the clearance rack, especially two pieces. Unless you have an extra-large top and small bottoms, or vice versa, you're pretty much out of luck. Or unless you prefer the miss-matched look, which I don't. But, I happened to spot a really, really cute pair of teal and white bottoms in my size, so picked them up. After searching the whole rack for matching tops, and only finding and XL, um not my size, I gave up. BUT, yes another but. In the back of the store on the regular clearance racks (I know, this is a totally riveting story) I found a whole bunch of tops mixed in with the rest of the clothing. After searching about four racks in total I found, get this, a matching top in my size! Soooo exciting. Of course, I still had to go try them on. Horror of all horrors, with my beyond pale skin, and um, two kids. How fun!

The fit was pretty good. And by that I mean it wasn't obscene or anything. Also, after seeing myself in the unforgiving fluorescent lights of the Target dressing room I SWORE on pain of death that I was going to do Jillian Michael's 30 day shred EVERY SINGLE DAY until June 22nd. Or until my butt stopped looking like it did in that mirror. End of story.

Yes, I have things backwards. I think you are supposed to get in good shape first and then buy the teeny bikini. I have a bad habit of doing this sort of thing. Buying my wedding dress before I was engaged. Buying a bikini when I was eight months pregnant (YES!).

In case your wondering, the bathing suit was $3.74 a piece. CRAZY. No one could say no to that.

Now I need to get to that 30 day shred business...tomorrow, that is. Or the next day.

Derailed...

That's basically how I feel lately. As in, off-track and out of it. I guess that's what happens when you're sick for two weeks straight.

I'm feeling mostly better these days, and have been since Friday, but it's been hard getting back on track. For one thing, Matthew is now in his final week of classes, normally that would be a good thing, but he's now in crunch time with a huge paper. I have to work really hard to keep the kids out of his hair while he writes. I'm trying to get Elijah back into doing school after two weeks of sporadic teaching, you can imagine how hard it is to get a four year old to focus after not having to for a while. Sophia? Well, she's just Sophia and she basically spends her time trying to figure out how to make my life harder. You think I'm joking? You haven't met her! She's a handful. I guess I shouldn't complain, that little handful slept nine hours straight last night which is pretty much the longest she has slept in her life, sad to say.

Anyway, I'm glad to be healthy again. We actually had really nice weather for Easter Sunday. Or at least Easter morning, it rained that afternoon. And it was nice to actually feel like it might be Spring someday.

I mostly spent this weekend napping and reading, it was fabulous. Matthew teased me relentlessly, as he always does, about the amount of time I spent in bed. My defense was that I'm still getting over the cold of the century and I can sleep as much as I like. I just started reading, after hearing about it everywhere, A Game of Thrones, and I'm completely hooked. After reading the Hunger Games series about three times straight I was in need of another literary obsession, so I'm happy. In fact, I need to find out how I can get my hands on the next three books and fast. The only problem with having a new book obsession is, of course, that I spend less and less time working on my own writing. But then again, I wrote so much so fast I guess I feel as though I deserve a break. That and the fact that I'm only editing now, which I have a love/hate relationship with.

Hopefully I can get back on track soon with everything, writing, teaching, blogging, exercising....basically being human again! I've got two HUGE events coming up next month. Both my babies' birthdays, so I have a lot on my plate.

Umm, Thursday Randomness?

I guess I forgot to post yesterday. Why? Well, mostly because I'm still sick which means not sleeping well at night because I'm too busy coughing up a lung despite the fact that I'm doing shots of cough syrup way more than they recommend.

*sigh*

• I am getting better, little by little, but the cough is always the last to go isn't it? I've actually managed to do school with Elijah most of this week, which is a huge feat, or at least I think so. Although we've nixed the reading out loud (me reading to him) because if I talk to much I start coughing a lot. Yay. Although at this point he could pretty much ready Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban to me. Kidding. Well, sort of.
• I'm trying to get back on track with getting Miss Sophia to sleep through the night. We were derailed by two colds, but we're back on it now. Last night she woke up around three times (oh she has a cough too) and I was able to just give her her paci and put her back down. It wasn't until 6:30 that she insisted on being fed. So I guess I would consider that sleeping through the night without a feeding. Now if we could just cut down on all those wake-ups! Also, after her 6:30 she went back to bed until 9! Which meant we all overslept this morning. I don't think I've slept until nine in a year.
• I'm so behind on housework it's not even funny. Which is why I'm sitting here typing instead of doing anything. I need to do laundry, vacuum, mop the kitchen, clean the bathroom and I'm doing none of that. Why? Because I don't feel like it.
• I also haven't worked out in over a week and I could care less. I've had hardly any appetite anyway, so whatever.
• Being sick rocks! Not.
• In other news, it looks like we will be healthy enough to go to church this Sunday. This is super important to me because Sophia has the cutest dress ever to wear! Oh and also it's Easter, that's important too.
• I went out yesterday and got stuff for the kids Easter baskets. This is my first year doing this so I'm really excited. I know that sounds terrible that I've never done one for Elijah, but seriously, he gets so much stuff from his grandparents that it's always been kind of pointless for me to do something for him. But this year I'm doing them for both kids.
• Speaking of the kids, we're getting dangerously close to birthdays for both of them. Sophia's will be one month from tomorrow and Elijah's is less than three weeks away. Ahhhh! So much to do! Well, not really. As usual, we know exactly what to get Elijah. Sophia, err not so much. For one thing, she doesn't play with toys as much as Elijah did at that age. And the stuff she wants to play with is all his stuff. Last night they played together for over an hour with his Imaginext Batcave. I don't know what to get her!
• I really need to go do laundry. Bugger.
• Did I mention I'm tired of being sick. No? I am.
• Did I mention I wish it was June 22nd today? No. I do!

Laters.

Wherein I continue to beat a dead horse...

I'm still sick!!!!

I'm so mad I feel like kicking something, but there's nothing to kick and anyway that would use up too much of my precious energy that I'm seriously lacking. So I'll just rant instead.

Dude, I coughed so much last night I ended up sleeping sitting up the couch because I didn't want to keep Matthew up. Finally around 2, after feeding Sophia, I drank about a gallon of cough syrup, managed to keep it down (stuff makes me nauseous) and feel asleep on the couch again. At some point I dragged myself back to bed. Yeesh. I guess I should have taken the medicine sooner, but I hate the way it makes me feel.

Normally I wouldn't complain over being sick for just a week. Okay, yeah, I would. But some of my symptoms don't seem to be going away. Namely, this bloody cough! I hate, hate, HATE having a cough.

In other news, Elijah was sick yesterday. My little cheerful man was moping around the house all day complaining of a sore throat. This morning? Bam! He's fine! What I wouldn't give for that immune system. Sophia has been back to normal for about two days now, which is so nice. She's been happy and playful again.

Now if could just get better, oh and Matthew is still sick too. Bugger!

So yes, beating a dead horse...sorry. I have nothing else to talk about.

I've edited, erm, two pages of my book so far! It's crazy how long it took me to do that, about an hour. This is why I hate editing! On the other hand it was nice to take sentences that I felt kind of "meh" about and turn them into something with more punch. Hopefully I can keep up with it. I obviously haven't been working on anything new since I've been sick, so editing is the least I can do.

Let's just pretend...

that I'm not still extremely sick and talk about something completely unrelated and inane, okay? Okay.

For one thing,  I woke up Saturday morning feeling mostly better. Oh besides the fact that I couldn't talk. It wasn't until Saturday night when my cough set in that I started feeling really crappy. And last night I finally caved and took some cough syrup (I have a medicine phobia) it only helped somewhat and I woke up feeling woozy and strange. Fun.

Anyway, so Saturday I felt kind of okay. I had gotten in the mail a $10 giftcard from Kohls (they must really love me, because they send me these all the time!), also I had some haircutting money stashed away in my wallet, so I decided to go do some shopping. It's my usual grocery shopping day anyway. Lately I've been taking one of the kids with me, so Matthew can get some studying done. Of course I had to take my little girl and future shopping buddy! I think this was the first time we did some mother/daughter shopping, it was so fun.

Now, I guess it's because I don't shop very often for myself, but I can be very deliberate when I do. This time I had in mind a summer dress. It took me all of five minutes to go through the junior's and the women's section and come up with only two dresses that I liked and were in my price range. This was the first one. I still love this dress so much I want to go back and buy it. I don't normally wear long dresses because I'm so short, but this one was so pretty. The problem? Well, it didn't fit quite right. Apparently if you are a junior's small you should have DD size boobies. Which I do not. So that was a no.

This was my second pick. What's with the black and white? Anyway, I wasn't super crazy about this one so I wasn't too bummed when it didn't fit either! Apparently if you are a junior's small you should have AA size boobies. Wait, does anyone see and inconsistency there? (PS don't hate on me for shopping in the junior's section, none of the dresses in the women's were remotely cute.)

Anyway, I was about to give up and go spend my money on plain, v neck, white t-shirts when I spotted this little number.(I got the orange one.) Oh did I mention it was 44 degrees out that morning? Perfect weather for shopping for summer dresses! Grrr. Anyway, the best thing about this dress? Besides the fact that it fit in certain areas and the fact that it wasn't black and white? I still had enough money left over to get something for Sophia too. Which was my plan all along! She ended up with a cute tank top and some capris.

So can I say it now? Just once? Bring on the summer vacation!!!! I haven't checked my countdown recently, but on the 22 it will be two months until, so it's getting closer!

Sicker...

Meaning, not getting any better, and it feels like we're all just getting sicker. Fun times. I'm blogging on a Sunday morning, why? Because we're too sick to go to church! This completely bums me out since it's Palm Sunday. Hopefully everyone will be healthy by next week so we can go to the Easter service. If not, well, I guess Sophia can wear her Easter dress around the house!

Grrr.

I've come to the conclusion that this is the sickest I have ever been (excluding morning sickness with Sophia). And it's definitely the sickest I've been since getting married and having kids. Therefore, it's the sickest I've been without have my mom to take care of me! Wah!

Elijah is still 100% healthy. Sophia is mostly better, besides a little coughing at night? Matthew and I? Well, we're just running the gamut of cold symptoms these days. A few days ago I had aches, a stiff neck and congestion. Now I have a wicked (I mean, coughing up a lung wicked) cough and more congestion. Matthew had a terrible ear-ache yesterday, and he's coughing too. Seriously, it's a miracle that any of us have gotten any sleep in the past week. Oh wait, we haven't.

In a moment of desperation I slept kind of propped in a sitting position last night, which really helped my congestion. But it also seemed to move all the crap in my nose down into my chest, which made for a really lovely cough. Yuck!

I've been sick since Tuesday, Matthew since Monday. The end has to be in sight, right?

Although I seemed to be somewhat delirious/sleep deprived last night and thought of a really good idea for my third book...

PS. Mom if you are reading this, next time we all get sick you are FLYING UP HERE! Do you hear me? 

Ha ha.

Forget what I said...

Or at least some of it. Spring still mostly sucks, because we are still mostly sick, but things are looking up.

For one thing, it didn't rain one single drop yesterday, on top of that it was 65 degrees!!!! (I think that deserves about a thousand exclamation points.) Even though I wasn't feeling the greatest, I decided that I absolutely had to take the kids outside. Especially considering we hadn't really left the house since Sunday. Unless you count doctor runs and medicine runs, which I don't. Anyway, we first walked down the drugstore to pick up Sophia's prescription, she has a little eye infection thing going on. When we got back to the house we decided it was far too nice to go back in doors so we sat outside and played for about an hour.

Unfortunately, we don't have a yard, but we do have a long driveway and paved parking area which is still good for riding bikes. So Elijah rode his tricycle (he's getting a real bike for his birthday shhhh!), we blew bubbles and played tee ball. It was just what we all needed.

And it's supposed to be just as nice today. I'm thinking if the kids are game, we might pack up our beach stuff and traipse down to the shore today. We'll see.

In more good news, at least, in my opinion. I'm going shopping tomorrow! Yay. Although I'm supposed to be shopping for something for myself, I'm thinking a dress for Easter Sunday, you know I'll come home with something for someone else instead...

Sucky Spring...

I thought that we had paid all our bad weather dues this past winter. I mean, we had 60+ inches of snow, what's that all about? So we were all really looking forward to Spring. Never mind, forget Spring, bring on Summer already! There have literally been about five days out of the past three weeks that haven't been rainy and cold. It just rains and rains and rains. Lovely. Summer please?

 Anyway, my biggest complaint with Spring isn't actually the weather. It's the sickness that has been running rampant in our house. Remember just a few weeks ago Sophia, Elijah and I were all sick with a cold. Now this past Sunday Sophia came down with another cold, actually worse than the first one she had. On Monday Matthew got it, and on Tuesday it was my turn. Do you see the overlap there? Sophia and I were the only ones to get sick twice. And like I said, this round of colds was much worse than the first. On Tuesday when I first got sick I felt worse than I have in my entire life, seriously. I had a fever, chills, aches, you name it. To make matter worse I still had to take care of my kids and my husband who was also sick. See? Sucky!

You may also remember, or not, that the last time Sophia was sick she had one night where she didn't sleep at all. Well, this past Tuesday was pretty much the same story. Only this was also the night Matthew and I were both super sick. I must have gone in her room at least a dozen times and gotten up to sit on the couch with her until she fell back asleep about six times. Ugh. Fortunately, Elijah never got sick, and Matthew and I are mostly back to normal today, besides a little coughing and nose-blowing. He's back at work and I'm trying to get caught up on the housework that I've neglected. You know I've been sick, because my house was a huge mess yesterday, which never happens, seriously. I took Sophia to the doctor yesterday because she seems to have been hit the hardest by all of this. Especially her eyes, which have been gunky and gross for days. She seems to be a little bit better today, and I'm hoping we will all be back to 100% by the weekend. Fingers crossed, anyway. And hopefully this will be our last round of colds until the Fall. Because, really enough is enough!

Dream on...

Sometimes I have these little dreams, just silly little fantasies that I think about from time to time. Since it's Monday I don't really have anything else to talk about I thought I'd share.

Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to sleep all night, eight or so hours straight....keep dreaming.

Sometimes I imagine finding some miracle cream or lotion that will erase my stretchmarks and stretched out skin, making me look like I haven't had two babies...dream on.

Sometimes I imagine seeing my name in print, under the title of a book, on a bookshelf in a store...really? Really, Cacey, keep on dreaming.

Sometimes I imagine having money, not lots, just enough to not have to live paycheck to paycheck anymore. Well, hopefully that won't always be a dream!

Sometimes I imagine that I'm laying on a beach somewhere, with my husband, while someone else watches my kids. Wait...give me 70 more days and I'll make that happen.

Sometimes I imagine that my life is perfect, that I have everything I've ever wanted or needed. And then I open my eyes and see my two beautiful children and my husband of nearly six years and realize that I'm not dreaming and not all good things have to be a fantasy.

Although the beach does sound like a far-off dream right now... it's cold and rainy yet again here.

About "the best things"...

I've been meaning to write this post ever since I starting this blog, to explain why I named it what I did. I guess most people assume that I'm referencing "the best things in life are free", because, well, that's very true! But that's not where I got the idea.

Have you ever had a song stuck in your head, I'm sure you have. Well, I have a song that's sort of permantly stuck in my head, and it has been for years. Crazy, I know, but seriously I at least hum or sing this song once a day. So much that Elijah will even finish the lyric for me if he hears me singing it.

What song is it? Well, for that you're going to need a little background info. When I was growing up I really liked old movies, the singing, the dancing, the costumes, I loved it! My two favorites (because I think these were the only two that we owned) were "Royal Wedding" (Fred Astaire!) and "White Christmas" (Danny Kaye!) Anyway, my favorite song in these two movies is "The Best Things Happen While You're Dancing" from White Christmas. And to this day it remains one of my movie moments.

Second only to the scene in "The Empire Strikes Back" where Han Solo is about to be frozen in carbonite and Princess Leia says to him "I love you,: and he answers with, "I know". *sigh* gets me every time.

And yes, I'm the world's biggest dork...

We're going to need more coffee...

Not to beat a dead horse or anything, but man, I would really like some more sleep!

I had hoped, even though I knew it was unlikely, that Sophia would start sleeping better once she got out of her brace. She is a really, really light sleeper, seriously you can just go in her room and look at her and she'll wake up! Anyway, I think it's been two weeks since she got out of her brace, and not counting the week or so she was sick, she really has been sleeping better. We went from 2-3 night feedings/wakings to just one! She goes to sleep around 7:30 and gets up at 7:00 the next morning. (I'm really not a big fan of getting up that early, but I have little choice in the matter, that's also when Elijah gets up.)

So, basically in the past week I've gotten really spoiled. Hey, I slept for nearly seven hours straight the other night! I haven't had that much consecutive sleep in...years? Anyway, the day before yesterday I realized that I should really start weaning her off the last night feeding. Sounds terrible, but I'm getting kind of tired of breastfeeding, especially at night. During the day I'm only nursing her about four times, that I can deal with. But I'm tired of dragging my butt out of bed to go nurse her.

Yeah, Sophia is really not a big fan of dropping that last night feeding, in fact she really seems to like the whole midnight snack thing. *sigh* So last night when I just gave her her paci instead of picking her up to go feed her she kind of lost it. Oh, she's such a drama queen. Also, this was much easier when she was in her brace (yes you read this right!) because she couldn't sit up or stand up in the crib. I can't tell you how many times I had to go in there last night and make her lie back down. Um fifty or so?

Kidding, I think. Anyway, I did manage to get away with not nursing her, but just barely. Then she woke up at five (?!?!) because, like most mornings, the neighbors were awake upstairs and were stomping around until they left at 6:30ish, which meant no one (except Elijah, who sleeps like a rock) could go back to sleep.

Bugger.

On top of that (yes there's more complaining where that came from) since it's technically Spring here (though I've yet to see any evidence like anything green or warm temps) I have allergies. My eyes are so watery and blurry that I can hardly see. Yay! Cross your fingers for my client today, I probably should not be cutting hair like this!

Basically I need about a gallon of coffee and then, maybe then, I might feel a tiny bit normal. Albeit jittery.

PS, why is it that my kids are both such morning people when I am not? And why do they wake up starving? I mean, I barely have time to get the coffee pot going before one of them starts crying (Sophia) and the other is nagging (Elijah).

This morning, in the kitchen 8:00 a.m. (We slept in a little after the neighbor fiasco)

Elijah: "Mommy I'm staaaarrrvvvvinngggggg."
Sophia: "WAAAHHHHHH!" *translation "me too!"
Mommy: "Mhhs mffnnnn ssjjj" *translation "I need coffee first."
Elijah: "Do we have honey nut cheerios?"
Sophia: "AHHHHHH!!!!!"
Mommy: "HMmmmmnnnnooo?"
Elijah: "Can I have frosted mini wheats? I'm SSTTTARRRVVVINNNGGG!"
Sophia: "ARRRRGGGG!"
Mommy: "MMmm hmmmm."
Elijah: "How do you make coffee? Why do you put water in coffee? What's that? Can I have breakfast now, I'm STARVING!"
Sophia: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Mommy: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

That's what it's like, y'all.

Hope from a book...

While pondering what seems like a recent rash of bad news all around me this morning, I was struck by just how much it was affecting me. I myself haven't received any particular bad news lately, but it seems as though the lives of many others I know are crashing down in a way, or have just taken a downward turn. Of course, it then hit me how silly and selfish I was being to be concerned only with how it was affecting my own mood today. (Although I think it's called empathy, what I'm feeling.) But still, as someone who has experienced hard times before, though they sometimes pale in comarison to those I see around me, I try to remember to always have hope, even when things seem hopeless.

 Here's the thing, where do you find hope? It's not one of those things you can just summon up inside of you, especially when things seem hard. In fact, in the hardest times of your life, hope is just...gone. Remember the story of Pandora's box? She lets out all the bad things like lies and despair, but closes the lid just in time to leave hope trapped inside. Hope, the one thing that had the power over all the others.

Well, I don't have hope in a box or a jar. But I know where else to find it. So, I thought today that I might share a little something that has never, ever failed to give me hope.

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 27:13 

I guess that might seem like a strange verse to pick out of all the wonderful Psalms. I picked this verse as "my verse" when I was around seventeen and going through a rought time and it has stayed with me ever since. I like that it talks about not despairing, and more importantly, believing that you will see the goodness of God someday soon. Basically, hope...from a book.

Wednesday Randomness...

Ah tradition...and I just starting singing songs from Fiddler on the Roof in my head...yay. I guess it's time for the weekly brain dump, 'eh? But alas, here is what I feel like saying, "blah blah blah blah". I guess that's not that much different from what I usually say. I have seven minutes before school time so I guess I'd better think fast.

• I started editing my book last night. As usual I vacillated between loving it and hating it. I don't think my grammar is actually that bad for once, most of my corrections were sentences that I just didn't like. And bloody typos!
• Did I just use the word "vacillated"? Why yes I did. It's second only to "waffling". Sigh, I love dictionary.com, also, thesaurus.com.
• Walk away from the synonyms!
• Chagrined...
• Ugh Stephanie Meyer.
• Okay right, what esle? I have three minutes. Aaaand nothing else to say. Except that I think I'm going to need more coffee.
• Surprised? Then you don't know me.
• So I decided that it was time to get back on the 30 day shred wagon. I've been lazy the past month and doing mostly yoga, because I love yoga right now. But sadly, yoga isn't doing much for my post-giant-baby abs, so back to Jillian Michaels it is! I'm making myself do level two now, ugh.
• List of things to do: finsih editing first novel, write second novel, plot third and final novel, get abs...hmmm ambitious much? Also, home school the kid. Wait he can read and write, can I be done now?
• No? Grrrrr.
• Do you really think I need more coffee?

I guess I should go.

Manuscript...

I'm not sure if that's technically what I should be calling my newly-printed copy of my book, but let's face it, manuscript just sounds wicked cool.

Wanna see my baby?

On top is my first draft, all ready to be destroyed by my editing, I've already marked it up a ton. I hate typos! Grrr. Anyway, I used up every peice of printer paper yesterday and had to go buy more so I could finish. I was kind of hesitant to waste that much paper and ink, but if felt really incredible to hold it in my hand when it was finished. Underneath the printed copy is about eight or so legal pads containing my hand-written rough draft.



Hey! I wrote a book!

Well, it seemed like a good post title at the time, but now it seems sort of braggy. But wait, I did write a book!

 Yeah, so I finally finished it, or at least finally finished writing my first draft. I have probably months of editing and rewriting ahead of me but I finished! Can you tell I'm excited? For one thing, I've been writing for as long as I can remember, okay maybe fourteen years or so. I've given novel writing two solid attempts before. Once when I was a senior in high school and then again in '08-'09. Those two projects were eventually scrapped, without being completed. It's a really hard to thing to go through, especially with the last novel I worked on. I really, really liked the story, but just couldn't make it happen.

Last year I started toying around with the idea of writing a YA (Young Adult) novel. Not because the genre is so hot right now, but because most of that particular genre is crap (at least, in my opinion). Little did I know that this was my genre. To write this book I had to completely re-learn how to write. The right way, I guess. I outlined and outlined and outlined before even starting the actual writing. And I guess it paid of, because once I sat down to write the actual book it was easy. Okay, easier than it had been before, but certainly not easy. I started this particular project around the beginning of January, after many urgings from friends to get back into writing again. I never knew that I would be done with my first draft in just three months! Honestly, I've never written so much in my life and never been happier with what I'm actually writing. When this all began back in January I was writing at least two hours a day, every day. I've gone through some phases where I haven't written for a week, but I always come back to it.

 Now, for those of you who are interested in reading, or have read some already, I think I will wait until most of the editing is done before sharing any more. I know, it sucks to wait! But I want to be able to give you the best writing that I can, and right now it needs work. But editing starts today! I'm happy to say that I will be working with the editor of my last, unfinished book. THE Fabulous Laura Case, who agreed to help me out even though she's super busy.

 (PS I know a few of you are also interested in helping with the editing process and I think I still might want 2-3 to discuss the plot with, so comment if you're interested? Janna? Jen? Lindsay??)

PPS, I forgot to say a HUGE thank you to anyone and everyone who has helped me and encouraged me along the way (I'm happy to say that's a long list of people.) Don't worry, I'll rememeber to thank you in the book when I'm published. ;)

Good riddance...

to this week, this cold and most of all, this weather! Though none of these things, besides the week, are guaranteed to be gone by tomorrow. I'm tired of being sick. This has never really developed into a full-blown, wicked cold or anything, but I have enough lingering symptoms to just not feel good the majority of my day. I'm waking up in the morning congested with a scratchy throat. No fun! Sophia seems the same as me, only she has a much harder time sleeping than I do. This morning she woke up at six, completely stopped up and unable to sleep, but wanting so badly to do so. She wallowed around in bed with me for an hour before we both finally dozed off again. Elijah, like I said, is completely back to normal and wearing me out! School hasn't been the greatest this week, we've just barely managed to get through, but at least we've done it! So yeah, this week can be over already! I ran to the grocery store yesterday to get some milk and realized it was the first time I had left the house since Saturday! As far as the weather goes, well, I don't really want to talk about it! At least we're not getting a bunch of snow, but it is rainy and gross and cold out. Still! It's April! I made the mistake of looking at next week's forecast and it is almost all rain. Lovely. I actually don't mind the rain too much, it's the cold I'm sick and tired of. Let's see, anything else I can complain about? I guess not. Oh hey, I'm nearly finished with the outline for my second book. I think I'm up to chapter fourteen now. But I'm having a little trouble, you guessed it, with the ending! Jeez, what is my problem with finishing projects? I really, really need to just sit down and write my ending for my first one and be done (besides all the editing). Maybe I'm not ready to be done just yet? Do I have some sort of ending-phobia going on? I can't tell. Something is holding me back. Although maybe it's just the lack of good writing time. You know, a chance to sit down and be completely focused and write. That's what I need to be able to finish strong. And well, that would be kind of hard to come by these days. Grrrr. Someone needs come take my kids for a weekend so I can finish my book! Anyone, anyone? Also, if I could go sit on a beach for a day or two I'm pretty sure I would be able to get a lot done. Anyone? Mom?! I guess I might have to wait on that one. Until then I should just do it, right? Just finish it! I keep trying to tell myself that's it okay if the first draft sucks, it can always be revised. But at this point I think I'm on my fourth draft, which is a bad sign. UGH! Okay, that was a bit of a rambling post, wasn't it? Sorry, that's how my mind works. (Oh and Blogger is insisting on cramming all my paragraphs together into one long, rambling lump which is really irritating me right now!)